I'd love to hook up my twitter update to this journal, but since that could only be made possible with a sub, you'll just have be bothered with an extra click: [link]

I've been listening to a lot of 3OH!3 lately. They are 2 white guys rapping obscene lyrics and dropping electro beats. Too catchy to ignore. Check out:

Starstrukk: [link] || I'm not your Boyfriend, Baby! [link] || Richman: [link] || Colorado Sunrise: [link]

These 4 songs has been on repeat for a good 3 weeks. (I'm one of those annoying people who makes a playlist of 10 songs or less and plays it over and over)

My friend's scale tells me that I've dropped 12 pounds since June-ish. Woohoo! I've become a health freak this summer. I lost my combo lock for the gym so I've been jogging/running an average of 5k a day for the last 3 weeks. Green tea, 1 cup of protein shake and 1 can of V8 a day and eating lots of raw food. It does wonders to your body.

Overall it's been a good summer. Got my sanity back, whipped myself back in shape, made a good living, had fun. Friends are slowly moving back in town for the school year. Life is a-okay.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty optimistic person but everyone needs a place to vent from time to time, and what's a more anonymous place to do so than here? Haha.

Losing Things
I'm sick and tired of losing/misplacing stuff I just had an hour ago. My usual mental awareness is that of a sponge, and then when I lose something I freak out and can't take my mind off it. What's really unfortunate is that I always spot someone walking around carrying the *same damn thing* I lost even though I know it's impossible that they stole it. I wonder why out off all the items they can could have carried with then they just had to have the same one as mine. It happened once during an exam and I swear I stared at the girl more than I did at the exam paper. Someone up there must think it's really funny to piss off the clumsy Asian girl.

Asian Father
Stop making a road map for my life! At first you wanted me to be a surgeon. You insisted that my friends choose medicine because it's like a following a rainbow that leads to heaps of cash, so I should make 'smart' decision and join them. Well I don't think 8+ years in a med school is at all like a skittles commercial. Finally when you gave up on trying to force me into that field, you want me to become an exec at some huge IT company. Do I envision my future as a corporate mind slave? Hell no. You can stop worrying about me becoming a starving lowlife because that's not happening. I have a goal and a passion and I can work them right whether it pleases you or pisses you off. You're not the one to judge how well I'm living my life. Honestly it disgusts me how badly the way you treat my Mother and I when we are out of work. You'd even go as far as telling me to neglect my studies and push my responsibilities to friends in order to find a summer job, back in friggin' February. Just leave me the hell alone until I make big money and then everybody is happy. The end.

Metabolism
So....I cook my own meals, avoid junk food / eating out in general, eating lots of shrimp and fruits and whole wheat. I also work out at the gym least once week for a good 2 hours, and on every weekday I bike to and from work for 50-60 minutes. I've been doing that for the past two months because I neglected my body back in exam period and I just want to get healthy again. Well okay I did want to lose a few pounds too, and it even FELT like I had lost weight. Though when I stepped on the scale yesterday guess what it read - 148lb, nothing's changed! How in the HELL? Is my body/metabolism really that stubborn? Call me shallow, but I want rock those cutesy Asian clothes! Surely 2 months is enough time for my body to start burning fat after gaining weight in muscle. wth!

Annoying People
Some people think they're oh so wise that and that's just plain annoying. Is it really necessary to look down on what other people have to say just to establish your own existence? Is admitting defeat really such a painful thing? People who are like this always find something/someone to blame for their incompetitence even when clearly they are the ones at fault. Man, just grow up already.

Okay. That's all for today.
Peace y'all!

A respectable and intellegent person once asked me what the difference is between my art and me. Is my art a reflection of myself? Or am I a reflection of my art. Or is the line blurry between myself and my art. His question left me puzzled for over two years, and tonight, inspired by the twisted thoughts in my head, I feel the need to provide an answer.

I would like to say that art is alter ego. It is like a manifestation. The rest of the world disappears when I'm in my "art phase", and everything I see and do, becomes some form of art. I seclude myself from distractions like other people and just absorb the essance of art from the things around me and mold and transform them into something of my own. I can see myself in the art that I'm proud of and I take comfort in that. My art is proof that I have a place in this world.

Ever since university started, I've really missed making art. It's like I've been shutting away my other self. It's an empty and exhausting feeling.

I'm tired of trying my best to chase after things I want that other people have, and all I'm left at the end is what I've started with. I'm tired of uncertainties, they're really not so thrilling as they used to be. I'm tired of making mistakes, and getting angry at myself over the could'ves and the would'ves. I'm tired of seeing things differently and not being able to do much about it. I want to go into an art phase again, and find a reason within myself to move forward.

But as of now I have to catch up of the many hours of sleep that I missed over the past week, jobs to apply to, summer courses to register for, an interview to prepare for, and study for 5 exams that are in my best interest to do well on.

I've no time for the girl locked away in the other room, yet I know that she's just as lonely as I am.

Update:
RL COMMISSION INFO HERE: [link]

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Thanks guys for 30 000+ hits C:

My art is on hiatus until I learn to balance out my new life, which is indescribably amazing btw.

Heck I didn't even bring a sketchbook with me.

For those of you who are wondering when I'll take commissions again, that will happen in december...if I'm not too busy.

Peace out guys.